South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it glows. i had to have it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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