It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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