i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
