Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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