Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
