Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
