Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
