Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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