well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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