I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
