shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
