Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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