I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
