Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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