smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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