That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
