This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
