Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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