It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
