tonight lets celebrate not being married
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
