Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
