I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
