3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
