I'm lost and stupid without you.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
