At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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