false alarm. still invincible.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize