Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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