I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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