So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
