i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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