A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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