why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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