I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
