Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
