break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
