He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
