Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
