I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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