Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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