I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
