Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
