On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
