HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
