I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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