I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
