I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize