dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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