dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
