i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize