Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
