It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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