FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
