His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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