I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
