Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We have started to decorate penises.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
