he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
