if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
