If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
