i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
