I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
