She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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