can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
another moral hangover. fuck.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
