i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
