do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
