I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
