I can't breathe out the right side of my face
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
