She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
