My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
FUCK WHALES
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
