It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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