Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize