i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
