A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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