Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
