I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
