You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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