I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
All I want is dick and wine.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
