help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
