I feel great
I just peed on a car
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
