if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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