where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Randomize
