I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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