all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
