where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
