don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
