idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
