Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
