my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
