mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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