Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I will be naked everywhere
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
