I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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