Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
