You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My bed smells like the plague
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
